Awakening The Courage To Cultivate My Authenticity + 6 Ways To Begin Today
Personal Growth, Spirituality, Self-Care
“You’ll never know who you are unless you shed who you pretend to be.”
When I was about 10 years old, we were asked in school to write on a piece of paper about what we wanted to be when we grow up.
In the paper, I wrote, “ a marine biologist'“.
When I was 12 years old, that question came up again, and this time around, as foreign and absurd as it sounded, I wrote, “ a marine biologist” too.
At that moment in my life, the most cherished memories of my childhood were spent in nearby islands where my parents would whisk us off for a vacation once every few months. I would never forget how incredulous I was each time I snorkeled in the water or how my soul sang each time I stood on the sand and watched the world goes by. I knew I wanted to work by the ocean, I knew I wanted to conserve this ecosystem that meant so much to me. At 12 years old, I stood by my dreams.
When I was 16 years old, things took a turn. Flung by a multitude of societal conditionings, parental expectations and peer pressure, I felt alone with my dreams. The country where I live, Singapore, did not offer any relevant courses in Marine Biology at that point in my life. I felt dismayed, unvalued, and unseen. I ended up pursuing a diploma in Environmental Management & Water Technology— the closest to my dreams, I thought. It was only mid-way through the first year, I truly realized that this was not how I wanted to live my life. I couldn’t convince my parents to allow me to drop out of school, hence I stayed on.
During those 3 years, I studied for the sake of studying and scored an almost 4/4 GPA just to prove to my father I could enter any local university, which I did. During those 3 years, I traveled extensively as much as I could, mostly alone. I worked several jobs to fund my travel from waitressing to tutoring. I volunteered for a turtle conservation program for 2 years in a row. I spent many nights under the stars on the beach patrolling for turtle tracks and turtle poachers, I slept up close with several female green turtles, I snorkeled with countless of sharks and turtles. I brought guests on snorkel tours and led conservation talks. I also snorkeled with the biggest fish in the world — the whale shark, not one but eight of them. I explored, I adventured, I fell in love, I befriended strangers, I ate alone, I learned, I grew, I got so lost, but most of all, I affirmed more than ever—that Marine Biology was what I wanted, or somewhat close to what I am meant to be. Right after I ended school, I proposed to my father my plan to study my dream course in New Zealand. And a year later, I was there, I never looked back.
Funnily, I never became a marine biologist.
I found out that research was not really for me. I chose to become a diving instructor after my graduation. A job that granted me the opportunity to live in and travel to different parts of the world, connecting and meeting people of different races, cultures, and ethnicities. In fact, am writing this now whilst awaiting confirmation for my move back to the Maldives. I am still extremely passionate about sea turtle rehabilitation. I consider myself an ocean ambassador. But I also discovered that my calling was higher in the past few years. My soul mission was set for a different path. But I needed to go through these years of tuning into my heart desires and chasing my dreams.
Arawme is the birthplace of this.
Choosing authenticity has taken me on a profound journey. A journey that is ever confrontational, ever-evolving, ever nerve-racking. Compelling on one hand but liberating on the other. I look forward to sharing with you more about it below.
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defining authenticity
What does “authenticity” means to you?
In the personal development community, “authenticity”and being “authentic” have become a buzzword that has been tossed around lately. Used so frequently that we can be cajoled into believing, doing, acting or buying anything these days. It became an active label we have adopted to define individuals — a word that further ingrain a fixed set of expectations we hold for each individual and exacerbates judgments on one another including ourselves. But have you ever wondered, what if authenticity and to be authentic varies for each individual? What if authenticity is what makes you, you?
My favorite author and Shame Researcher Brené Brown coined this beautiful definition:
Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. the choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen. Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.
Authenticity is not a fixed attribute/quality that we attach to define anyone. It is not something we have or don’t have. Authenticity is a practice. A practice that values the courage to be flawed and imperfect, to set boundaries, be seen and be vulnerable. It is a practice of dropping expectations of what others have for you from a deep well of self-compassion, grace and self-love. It is showing up for you, even when it is hard and compelling, even when it feels almost immeasurable, alone and fiercely daunting. It is a practice and conscious choice to live life intentionally. It is a muscle that strengthens over time with consistent practice and by living life courageously. A pathway to wholehearted living.
And most importantly, my authentic way of living may be different to yours. The only thing that matters is that we make a conscious choice to cultivate it. It is the unpeeling many expectations, conditionings, falsehoods and facets of what others define us — it is unbecoming, by remembering.
never forget that you can always, begin today.
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wholehearted living
When I listened to my Spirit and started Arawme, I knew deeply that it was meant to be tied with authenticity. I didn’t know exactly, but I knew it was the right path.
Wholehearted living has been a large and active practice of how I have been choosing to show up and live in my life (both personally and professionally). When we choose wholeheartedness, we choose to honor our heart. It is deeply tied to cultivating authenticity. About all, it is interacting and engaging with life through the lens of a deep sense of worthiness. In her book of The Gift Of Imperfections, Brené explained that,
“Wholehearted Living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the Courage, Compassion, and Connection to wake up in the morning and think, no matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.”
Since you have read thus far, this is my invitation for you to breathe more wholeheartedness into your life. You may face tribulations, trials and uncertainties along the way, but know that within you is an abundant surplus of courage, compassion, and connection. And knowing that despite it all, right now, you are enough exactly as you are.
“Wholeheartedness is like a North Star. You can never get there. But you know when you’re heading the right way.”
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your courage as a muscle
My biggest fear has ought to be lightning. Any sudden bolt of lightning is enough to send chills down my spine and send me on a voyage of trepidation. I also have several titanium screws inserted at the back of my spine when I was 16 years old, hence amplifying this fear that I haven’t seemed to overcome.
About a decade ago, whilst doing a turtle patrol under the night skies, my friend and I were met with a tropical storm in the middle of the night. There were bolts of thunder and lightning above us and it was beginning to rain quite heavily. It was pitched darkness too. We could hear the sounds of the waves escalating on one side and the fruit bats frantic and making noises on the other side of the beach. It did not help that my friend was naturally very timid. I remember willing myself to be strong as I needed to. I remember thinking that I needed to because no one else will. I remember leading the path and we eventually discovered a beautiful female turtle arriving on the shore for nesting. ( yes and right in this chaos!!)
Courage is a muscle that we need to consistently hone. It is something that we can cultivate, awaken and reclaim. Sometimes, we may have forgotten about it but it is always latent within us. We never know how strong we are until we face the impossible. Like the wisest Nelson Mandela said, “ Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
In the past, I always wondered why do adrenalin junkies seek a constant pursuit of something bigger, higher, deeper, scarier, etc. It is not because they are naturally fearless or that they are wired differently. The truth is, they are just consistently honing their courage muscle by consciously conquering their mind, getting out of their comfort, reclaiming the courage in the sea of fear and comfort.
You are not born courageous, you become courageous. You are not born authentic, you become authentic.
Your collection of choices are what defines you.
“taking a moment
to figure out
how you really feel
instead of letting
old patterns decide for you
is one of the most
authentic things you can do”
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my authenticity
As I shared above, my authentic way of living may not be the same as yours. Below are some examples of what authenticity means to me:
Living life heart-led/wholeheartedness
Living life, not to societal and cultural expectations but my heart’s desire
Being self-sovereign to my emotions, desires, actions, responses and ALSO recognizing the other as self-sovereign too
Knowing that I am not meant for a 9-5 corporate job and NOT forcing myself to it ( because i’ve done that before)
Choosing creativity and indulging in it
Choosing love over fear even when I am afraid, vulnerable and am going to get emotionally hurt
Sharing with boundaries
Emotional, physical, energetic, professional boundaries to honor my capacity above everything else
Honoring my mental processing period alone
Listening to my body’s energetic wisdom ALL the time
Taking my time to let go by letting it in first, letting it through and eventually letting go
Using my storytelling/writing gifts to invoke more vulnerability and connection in the world
Believing that I am capable of making a 5 figures soul-based, spiritual business and ALSO make a difference to the world
Being a healer to others and ALSO be working on my personal healing
Enjoying listening to Solfeggio music/binaural waves/kundalini mantras and ALSO very sad English and Chinese songs/lowfi/EDM
Enjoy watching GAIA and ALSO binging on Netflix
Enjoying being in my own energy and ALSO going to parties
Not having a specific meditation style every day but listening to what my body needs at that moment
Can stay at a backpackers/guesthouse/air b&b but ALSO enjoy staying in a resort
Not eating meat that I do not feel comfortable with
Enjoying my adaptogens, juices, smoothies, matcha and turmeric latte and ALSO chocolate, cheese and pastries
Being able to take conscious actions but ALSO doing nothing at all for the whole day
Allowing myself to cry my heart out and stay in bed the whole day
Saying no to drinks when my body does not feel for it
Be okay with making mistakes and have failures but not let them define me
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6 tips to awake courage and live life authentically
Choosing authenticity can be challenging and unsettling — after all, you don’t know how the person on the receiving end will take it.
It is the audacity to be unconventional, and not silencing your inner truth that requires your courage muscle. Some around you may feel challenged and worried with your newfound wisdom (or irrationality), others may find inspiration through you. In awakening your courage to live life authentically you may also stir discomfort in others who have held you accountable as you were before. You may receive judgments and criticisms. You may lose friendships and relationships. You may stir feelings of inferiority, inadequacy and even abandonment in them — almost like an uncomfortable mirror.
And trust me, in my experiences of living life authentically, I do not promise you safety or a trump card. If anything, you are breaking boundaries, inhibitions, stereotypes, unpeeling stigmas, challenging status quo and dogmatic ideas and falsehoods… You are stepping out of your comfort zone, you are speaking your truth through the way you live. I do not promise you comfort, but I promise you vulnerability, connection, and liberation — and I promise you, the right ones will stay.
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Below are 6 Tips To Awake Courage And Live Life Authentically:
Befriending Your Fears
Start by getting clear about what your fears are. Write them down. Get to know them. Be-friending them helps awake the courage within us. Ask yourself, what is the worst thing that can happen? When was the last time you did something outside your comfort zone? Yes, you don’t need to wait for the next holiday to put this on your bucket list, you can begin be-friending your fears today. Only when we are met with the impossible, will we be impressed by how much courage we have within us. Failures are not a representation of who you are or your true nature. Learn to laugh at your failures. Most of the time, our inhibitions because of our perceived fears are more paralyzing and dramatized than reality. Remember that courage is a muscle that can be honed. Courage is the ability to feel the full force of fear and to move forward in spite of it. You are not born courageous. You become courageous.
2. Start By Setting boundaries
A boundary refers to a dividing line or space that is drawn in respect for yourself. It is the defining space that prioritizes you over anything else.
In my article of Drawing Boundaries And Self-Care Conditioning + 5 Tips, I shared what boundaries are, the various types of boundaries, healthy and loose boundaries and how you can inculcate them in your life today. It might sound surprising, but the first few things to cultivate courage is by starting to say no. Saying no is meant to feel easy, not difficult. And each time we draw boundaries with another, we are also teaching them the importance of boundaries. Boundaries aid us in speaking our truth and with each effort, you will find more alignment with your authentic self.
3. Explore Your Values
What are the personal values in your life right now? Are you aware of them? Are they truly yours or do they belong to others?
Our personal values vary from one individual to another. Our values dictate our actions and decisions in our lives. When feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, discomfort, anxiety, stress, frustrations with ourselves arise, we may notice ourselves acting out of alignment with our values. This happens because we traded our authenticity with the feeling of safety. And most of the time, they don’t walk hand in hand. Go deeper and analyze these emotions and thought patterns. Are they telling us something? We may act/live in a specific way because we have to, because we have no choice, because this is what they told me to, because that is what everyone does, because this is my life right now. Notice any of these narratives coming up?
These are disempowering narratives fueled by your self-doubts, they are the gremlins in your mind. The Universe will always be nudging you to the doors of authenticity. It is a matter of whether you pay attention and listen or not. Do remember that our values evolve with us in life. It is important to re-evaluate that the values that you are holding onto right now is exactly as you are now— making sure they are yours and that you feel in alignment with them is the first step to cultivating authenticity.
4. Take accountability For Your Desires
What are your desires in your life right now? What did you really wanted to do when you were that curious, creative 7 years old child. Or what about 10 years, 20 years, 30 years ago — what did you really wanted to do but never got around doing? Was it to study anthropology or psychology or astronomy? Was it to try ice-skating or quad skating or woodwork? Was it to travel in a campervan? Was it to try pole dancing? Was it to write a non-fiction book? It is never too late to begin. Get deliberate. Take aligned actions. Begin today. Know that you don’t have to give everything up to chase your desires, you can always nurture it whilst ensuring it is sustainable for you in the long run.
The most inspiring people I met in life are those who chose to be audacious and live life vivaciously by taking accountability for their desires. Regardless if you’re 50 years old, or a mom/dad or fresh out of high school, It is never too late to begin.
“To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be.
the people they’re too exhausted to be any longer.
the people they don’t recognize inside themselves anymore.
the people they grew out of, the people they never ended up growing into.”
5. Start By Choosing Yourself and The People Who Love You
I cannot emphasize how imperative self-love is with being courageous and living life authentically. If anything, it is the foundation to it all. It is the highest frequency we deserve in our soul journey. When we begin to cultivate authenticity, we begin with ourselves AGAIN. Like what Brené Brown said, Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.
Yes, there will be moments of self-doubts, apprehension and even shame/abandonment trigger. You may be met with eye-rolls and criticism. But you may also be a beacon/lighthouse for others to show up more authentically. You may be the person who makes others feel that it is safe to be themselves, showing them that vulnerability do breed connection. Keep your goal as authenticity and not, being liked — and you will trample on those naysayers and gremlins in your mind.
It is also important to emphasize that the real people who love you, will love you through your phases and evolution. They will not stop loving you because of your choice to live authentically and be truly you. One practice that I deeply love from Brené brown (who has faced so much criticism in her stance for shame, vulnerability and authenticity) is that she keeps a tiny note in her wallet of the people who TRULY matter in her life. It is a list of their names and only their opinions matter. The rest do not. When we finally witness how much power we have given away to those who do not know our true selves/our private life, we start taking our power back from them.
6. Acknowledge The Process Takes Time
We live in a world where there are people who consciously practice being authentic, but there are also those who don’t and there is the majority of us who are authentic on certain days and not so on some other days. There are also those whose authenticity may trigger our shadows and those whose authenticity may complement our light and those who mirror the potentiality within us. And that is okay too. Understand that we are given the gift of free will as humans and our choices are ours alone. Most importantly, knowing that the path to authenticity takes time — after all, it is a practice of a lifetime.
Thank you for bearing with me till the end of this extremely long article. I have written it with my heart and soul so do let me know if it has benefitted you in any way. I like to end this post with this reminder: you can always, always begin again. Sat Nam.
From my heart to yours,
Sylvia
Interested in diving inwards right now already? Consider Bhava: Your Journey Inwards Toolkit, a free resource dedicated for navigating one’s journey inwards. In this toolkit, we discuss how fear holds us back, its limiting beliefs and contains practices to move through them. We also discuss aspects of loose and healthy boundaries, compassion and inner child work. You can read more about Bhava here.
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I am Sylvia— the founder, writer, intuitive healer, and human design reader of Arawme. “Arawme” is basically, a raw me put together.
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Awakening My Courage To Cultivate My Authenticity + 6 Tips To Begin Today — Arawme