The Art of Cultivating More Mental Resilience In Your Life
self-care, personal growth
“And that was the thing about her,
She kept on surviving.
With bullet holes in her lungs,
And knife marks etched into her back.
She never let anything get in her way,
Resilient. A fighter,
Not by choice, But a warrior at heart.
”
Immunity vs Resilience
How is your body’s immune system?
When we think about immunity, we automatically think of it as our body’s ability to fight and defend off disease-causing pathogens that make us feel physically unwell. We try to boost our body’s immunity by changing our food choices, making lifestyle changes, taking more supplements, taking more sun, eating more fruits and vegetables, resting more, meditating, etc. But sometimes, a germ still successfully invade us and make us physically sick.
Similarly, cultivating mental resilience is the same working with your immunity—except, a lot more powerful.
In my article on The 5 Types Of Self-Love To Cultivate Today we dipped our toes in the importance of how self-love undermines all intricacies and dynamics of this journey called life. Self-love is not just feeling confident and having strong self-esteem of your physical capabilities and emotional attributes. Self-love co-exists with boundaries, resilience, acceptance, expansion and fluidity. It is the state of appreciation for oneself from our personal experiences to support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.
Self-love is actively is choosing to embrace your flaws and celebrating your strengths. Self- love is also actively honoring the container of our needs, so that we learn to be responsible for them and celebrate us.
However, more than often, even when we build ourselves to be empowered, mindful, compassionate and putting ourselves first, the navigation of self-love is not one without obstacles. It is often the first few things that fall wayside when we are stressed, anxious, or depressed. It is true that difficulties and challenges in life always present ways for us to nurture and expand our growth— but oftentimes it is difficult to look at it objectively at that specific moment. Daily stressors of life can also make us more sensitive, over-reactive, and emotionally unbalanced. Even a little change of plans can leave us in a state of anxiety and panic. Traumas lower our levels of resilience and especially when they are repeated incidents of trauma.
Think of a recent life challenge that you have experienced in your current life?
It could be an episode of the death of a close relative, loss of your job, a gaslighting incident at work, a health condition, financial difficulty, etc.
How did you cope? What part of it made you more resilient than you were before?
“Resilience:
it is about weathering
the storms that come along.”
Introduction To Resilience
The word ‘resilience’ comes from the Latin word ‘resilio’ which means ‘to bounce back’ or retaliate. Resilience is simply the ability to adapt well and bounce back from life’s challenges. Our resilient muscle is constantly engaged- even at this very moment. Resilience is the inner anchor to stay true to our path even when there are obstacles and challenges. It is a character trait that can be honed and learned. It is also important to realize that each of us copes with challenges and stressful situations differently. When we acknowledge these differences and become mindful, we realize that it doesn’t matter how long it takes us, but it is our willingness to embark on cultivating resilience in our life in the first place that matters the most.
It is time to make resilience our friend.
Types of Resilience
According to Positive Psychology, there are 3 types of resilience.
The first is Natural Resilience, this is resilience you are born with and the resilience that comes naturally. It is genetic as it is your human nature. We can often observe this innate natural resilience in children below 7 years old, considering they have not experienced any form of traumas. Children trip and fall all the time and it is very common to observe them picking themselves up without crying and sometimes as if it does not matter to them. Children are also able to shift their emotions very quickly from a negative to a positive one. When we hold a natural resilience for life, we are open to experiences and overcoming fears even though these paths may lead us off track or knock us down.
The second is Adaptive Resilience. It is the resilience when previous challenging circumstances force you to adapt. An example of it would be failing in a business venture the first time will prep you for the next business venture and how you could avoid similar steps like before.
The last is Restored Resilience, also known as learned resilience. It is the adoption of various techniques to rebuild, relearn and restore the resilience energy you had before when you were a child.
7 Ways/Tips To Cultivate More Mental Resilience In You Today:
Gratitude Journaling
In my article on gratitude journaling, I explained about the importance of honing this habit to flourish in a gain instead of gap mentality, no matter how beautiful, horrible, or mediocre your day has been. When we allow ourselves to find gratitude, we allow the expanse of more to come and acknowledge the beauty of what we presently have. It is about pausing the busyness and the stagnancy of our life in noticing yourself and others with greater mindful awareness. It is about shifting your perspective, to heighten your vibrations and cultivating resilience. A simple journaling exercise by writing 3 things that you are grateful of every single night/morning is sufficient. Get a plain notebook or use your daily planner and call it your gratitude journal or your gratitude corner.
By adopting a beginner mindset for curiosity, we nourish a growth approach. We also allow ourselves to be open to continuous learning, self-discovery, limitless opportunities and to live a resilient life.
2. Connect With Your Breath
Ever heard of this quote, “ Learn how to exhale, the inhale will take care of itself.” Connecting with our breath is the most powerful anchor as a human being. In the world we live in, we are not widely and skilfully taught the power of the breath and/or conscious breathing. It is after all the first thing we learn when we arrive in the world out of our mother’s womb. But deep, conscious breathing is not widely taught or shared publicly. It is only in the last 5 years or so that mindfulness and meditation were introduced in various countries’ education system. By learning to calm ourselves through our breath, we are able to calm our minds. Every time you feel a little anxious, flighty and stressed, take a moment to close your eyes and take 5 deep, long conscious breathing in and out of your nose. Focus on extending your exhale and your inhale will take care of itself. Observe the thoughts that stream by but do not attend to it. Notice how you feel after. Give yoga or meditation a go or develop your own personal sadhana practice.
3. Reframe Your Narrative
As discussed above, setbacks and difficulties in life are inevitable in life. It is our choice to perceive either as a personal disappointment or an opportunity for growth. Our thoughts are powerful and they manifest into reality when we allow them to. In the law of Perpetual Transmutation of Energy – the law states that every person has the power within them to change the conditions of their lives by using our power of choice. Our free will is pivotal in how we want to live our lives, and it is an inherent choice if you want to live it with limitations or abundance. When we consciously cultivate the awareness of the narrative we say to ourselves, we are empowering our decision making and our circumstances. Setbacks are impermanent and there is always an opportunity to turn it around. Shift out of the victim mentality or any form of self-constructed limiting belief. Remember, we always have a choice to leverage in any situation and cultivate resilience by reframing our narrative. Catch yourself each time you speak with a gap mentality and rephrase it into a more affirming one!
4. Hold Space For Yourself
Holding space means creating a safe and inclusive space for others and yourself to unload; to suffer less. It is where deep listening and mindfulness comes into practice. It is a support system that begins and ends with compassion. Very often, we may hold space and compassion for others, but how often do we do it for ourselves when we need one?
There is a deep well of compassion inside each of us. In my article of The Difference Between Compassion And Empathy, I explained that within each of us we hold a deep well of compassion. When we allow compassion in our lives, it represents seeing ourselves and the other as equal. It is understanding and accepting that pain is a delicate commonality that exists in all of us. It is embracing that suffering is part of life and holding space for it instead of averting and withholding ourselves from its truth. Once we know how to get in touch with it, we can use that energy for transformation and healing within us and for others. Allow yourself to feel your emotions deeply. Don’t deny your needs to cry or be alone and honor the process of working through them. Just remember you are not your emotions but they deserve space to be heard by you.
5. Cultivate A Relationship With Fear
Make fear your friend by choosing love. When we operate from a fear-based emotion, it is from our ego. It is so easy to build up walls, stigmas, limiting beliefs and what-ifs with our self-esteem because of a specific incident of failure or setback in our life. But the truth is, failure is here to teach us. It is here to teach us not to repeat the things we did before or trigger patterns of similar outcomes again so that when the next time comes, we’ll succeed. On the other side of fear response is a place of expansion, resilience and growth.
There is no singular, immediate antidote to dissolve fear and transmute it to love. Rather, it remains a principle that we honor and choose over consciously at every single moment, at every single day. When we allow ourselves to get comfortable with feeling it all and being vulnerable, we are gifting ourselves with the highest offering of love. And eventually, this love outpours to others. The truth is, we have so much love within us all, don’t let the ego misuse it as fear. Choose love over fear.
6. Honor Your Support System
We do not need the entire world to know we are going through a difficult time or are experiencing a setback in our life. What we do need are just a few genuine friends for support. Honor them and honor their support. Accept help when needed. They could be your spouse, your mentor, your aunt, your long-distance best friend, etc. We form deep and healthy relationships with people because we want to honor our unconditional support and love for them when they need it, and vice versa. Sometimes we lean on support not because we need specific guidance or advice from one, but just a shoulder to cry on, a third-person perspective or a deep listening ear. Allow yourself to be supported, the way you have done so for them all these while. It may be surprising to some but when we honor our support system in others, it is a symbol of both vulnerability and strength and that itself is inspiring and motivational to those around you.
7. Cultivate Self-Love With Bhava: Your Mindfulness Self-Love Toolkit
Earlier in this article, I mentioned about what self-love entails; that it undermines all intricacies and dynamics of this journey called life. Radical self-love is not just feeling confident and having strong self-esteem of your physical capabilities and emotional attributes. Most problems that surface in our lives stem from the lack of self-love we have within ourselves. And even though it is so important to hold the highest embodiment of self-love with ourselves, it is also the fastest to slip wayward when things get difficult. In Bhava: Your Journey Inwards toolkit, I walk you through insightful topics of Inwards, Compassion, Boundaries, Fears and Resilience. They include a variety of free-flowing and healing practices, tools and affirmations to walk you through it. In the topic of resilience, we will be working with restored resilience, which is the ability to draw back on one’s learning from similar past experiences, that we already know or may have forgotten. These include developing your very own unique resilience toolkit, optimizing specific flow states in your life and other tools to assert your self-esteem, unifying your creativity, enhance more mental resilience in your life.
To sum it up, mental resilience is a muscle within you that already exists. But we need to be dedicated and consistent in sharpening this innate muscle. The goal of it is to be able to bounce back no matter when and what life throws at you. We do not need to wait for a difficult situation or a setback to start cultivating it. Begin by reflecting on the last difficult situation you had and begin cultivating more mental resilience with the above tips today.
That is all from me! Sat Nam. Sending you a huge hug.
Love and light,
Sylvia
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I am Sylvia— the founder, writer, intuitive healer, and human design reader of Arawme. “Arawme” is basically, a raw me put together.
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