What Learning to Receive Has Taught Me: Healing Receivership Wounds
Personal growth, Human Design, Entrepreneurship
My story
For as long as I can remember, my family has always had a tradition on our birthdays.
When it was one of our birthdays, there would always be a customary birthday celebration, a birthday cake (usually a $15 one), a bottle of non-alcoholic champagne, and a birthday song. It was a beautiful gesture that brought us together, and I will always be grateful to have been raised by a family from a humble background.
But I would never forget how my body would shrivel up each time my family sang the birthday song and cheered for me.
When I entered adulthood, this family tradition stopped. I moved away from home.
But I never stopped deflecting, or got better at receiving. If anything, unbeknownst to me, I hid this wounding under the pretence of someone who was “a strong, independent, and ambitious woman”.
I started “escaping” on every birthday, purchasing last-minute tickets to nearby and far-flung countries to avoid needing to celebrate myself that day. I would deliberately choose to spend the day in a country of strangers or somewhere immersed in nature.
Relationship-wise, I attracted men who began teaching me to heal this decade-old pattern too.
Wait, why is he complimenting me so much?
What should I say?
Not again, did he just compliment me?
Does he have an ulterior motive here? Is he interested in me?
Or am I just terrible at receiving compliments?
My previous partner taught me a lot about how to receive and soften, and a big part of this article is for him too.
He was the sweetest man, always thoughtful and kind. He knew how much I love sea turtles, the ocean, cinnamon rolls, carrot cakes, flowers, and candles. Every time he would stumble on one of them in a store, he would always get it for me. One of my favourite moments together was eating sinful carrot cakes, making fun of each other’s sweet tooth, teasing who would have the last bite, and searching for the best cinnamon rolls in town.
He didn’t get me a sea turtle or the ocean, of course, but he would always share videos and memes about them with me. At one point, I had more than five unused candles sitting around.
You get the gist.
With him, I learnt to receive.
I learnt to say thank you without berating or deflection, but with worthiness. I learnt to hold the initial comfort so gently until it became my constant.
Thank you, C.
Because of you, I learnt to buy myself these sinful but oh-so delicious cakes and cinnamon rolls and eat them by myself, unabashedly. And for that reason, each time I will always be grateful for our time together.
Because of you, I allowed myself to receive simple pleasures in life.
My Conditioning
Growing up, I did not have healthy role models who taught me how to receive or soften.
My father devoted his entire life to a 9-5 job in the hospitality industry for over thirty years. He would leave for work at the crack of dawn and return home exhausted, the kind you know, who had zero social battery at the end of dinner. I would often catch him falling asleep in front of the television by 9 pm. One of my distinct, not-so-positive memories with him was around ten, when he reprimanded me in the car about a matter I no longer remember, using one of his favourite lines: “Do not compare with others.”
I was taught from a young age that settling and fitting in were better than standing out. The act of asking for more and making comparisons in any form was considered evil. And most of all, success = hard work, and success with sacrifices was noble and mandatory.
He was the epitome of this dreadful reality of the hustle culture. I love my dad so much, but he is the main reason why I will repeatedly refuse to subscribe to the hustle culture again and again.
My mom, on the other hand, has always been a creative and entrepreneurial woman. She was a hairstylist and had begun her entrepreneurial journey at a young age. She was uneducated and always carried that inadequacy within herself, although it was not evident. She embodied the hyper-independent and driven archetype that I greatly admired and respected. I was always amazed at how she refused a 9-to-5 job and opted for a different way of living.
On the exterior, she looked carefree, fashionable, and free-spirited, but behind it was a woman operating from her wounded femininity and inadequacy. It was only in the recent years of healing work that I recognized that behind it all, she was also a child who had zero role models and/or did not know how to work on herself. Behind this facade was a woman with low self-worth, who associated her worth with the chores she did and the amount of money she made.
This May, on Mother’s Day, my brother and I ordered a large bouquet for her. I was living in Mexico, halfway around the world from her, and it was one of the few little things I could do.
Unsurprisingly, before the thank you, my mom was quick to add, “This is not necessary, both of you did not have to buy this. It is a waste of money.” She was quick to deflect our small gesture.
It came to my awareness that this interaction alone governed my entire perception of receivership and the amount of ancestral wounding that has been passed through my lineage, and the healing that is required of me.
It was then that I told myself this: this ends here, Sylvia.
Do you see yourself here as well?
Feminine receptivity and receivership were not concepts taught to me when I was younger, either in my culture, school, or upbringing. Growing up, my nervous system imprint was rigged for self-protection rather than self-allowance. Healthy receivership wasn't something I mastered overnight or immediately recognized as a block in my deconditioning journey as a Projector.
Healthy receivership is the ability to carry the energetic capacity and nervous system to hold more without interfering, self-sabotaging, feeling guilty, or collapsing.
Healthy receivership is integral regardless of your gender identification, whether you are a Projector, a Reflector, a Generator, an MG, or a Manifestor, and whether you are a business owner or an employee.
Healthy receivership is integral as long as you are a human being.
Receivership wounds don’t just show up in business; they show up everywhere in life. They are rooted in the same nervous system imprints, childhood conditioning, and ancestral patterns. They play out in subtle, everyday interactions.
Below are some examples of receivership wounds.
1.
Difficulty receiving love and care and owning your desires
You feel uncomfortable when others nurture you, support you, or express affection (romantically)
You always play the strong one, the one who always gets it together, letting control dictate your life more than you would admit
Difficulty in resting without feeling guilty
In business, you try to do it all alone, hesitate investing in your growth and support (hiring a VA, a mentor, delegating, or investing in systems), and eventually arrive at burnout
You hesitate to receive mentorship, coaching, or guidance unless you can guarantee results
You feel uncomfortable receiving hugs and or acts of service
You downplay and minimize your needs or say “I’m fine” when your energy and expression imply otherwise
You talk down your desires or don’t talk about them at all instead of owning your desires unapologetically (Eg, it sounds materialistic and mean, but I really want that…”)
2.
Deflecting compliments and recognition
Receiving compliments feels uncomfortable, you often brush them off or downplay yourself instead of wholeheartedly sitting with receiving it as it is (Eg, Oh, it's nothing. Thanks, I bought this from the store.)
You feel awkward or uncomfortable when seen and celebrated by others
In business, you may struggle to market yourself or show up to talk/market your services/offerings
You hesitate to share your testimonials and successes, and avoid confronting your visibility wounds
You unconsciously repel recognition to keep it safe and cool to avoid rejection
3.
Money wounds and a skewed perception of generosity
You feel guilty accepting gifts without a reason
You overanalyze what strings might be attached and confuse kind gestures with motives
You reject financial help, investing in yourself, or support, as you correlate receiving with debt or obligations
You assume a need to be hyper-independent and look perfect—trying to do it all alone
You feel panic when a large sum of money comes in or when a significant and unexpected expenses come up
You always spend all the money when money comes in, and have an inability to hold it as your nervous system does not carry the safety of wealth
You feel a need to hold and accumulate all your money for safety, rather than perceiving money as an energy exchange and a renewable resource
You feel a pang of irritation or jealousy when you see how others are spending their money and/or splurging
You make decisions based solely on what is in your bank account today, instead of the confidence that money will flow back in
In business, you undercharge your products/offerings in a way that feels unaligned, or overjustify pricing to yourself
In business, you often give away freebies and free services because you think it is a good deed
You give away so much free content or extra value that people don’t feel the need to invest deeper
You subconsciously do not believe you can be rich in this life and eventually repel more than you magnetize
4.
Overgiving in relationships
You pour into others, but rarely ask for your needs to be met
You remain in relationships that are not mutual and reciprocal
You rarely feel seen and supported in your relationships
It feels easier to give than to receive (Eg, when I give, they will stay with me)
If someone tries to reciprocate by listening, celebrating, holding space, or providing an act of service, you shrug off your needs or minimize them
5.
Freeze or collapse when something good comes
You sabotage relationships, joy, or opportunities as soon as they feel “too good to be true”
You carry the subconscious belief that your history will repeat itself (Eg, he will leave me, it won’t work, I will be single for the rest of my life, this post will not get viral, This is too good to be true, I don’t think my launch will be successful just like my previous ones)
In business, it can look like procrastinating on launches or making excuses to avoid showing up in exploratory calls and/or emails
You may feel compelled to spend all the money as soon as it comes in
When someone good comes around, you wait around for the other person to take the lead, and overthink often
You may enter a partnership/opportunity/relocation with a self-sabotage belief ( Eg, something bad is waiting, or there will be struggles, or he/she will not like you when he/she knows the real you)
When receivership is blocked, it doesn’t just affect your wealth; it is interwoven in all areas of our lives, and it can:
limits visibility (fear of being seen)
limits impact (hard to let your work be seen authentically for who you are)
limits ease (hard to let yourself rest and be supported)
limits joy (withholding pleasure because of guilt)
Receivership is not about grasping, pushing, or performing.
It is about staying open, deeply trusting, and embracing abundance so that it can arrive in your life. It is about allowing what is meant for you to arrive without shrinking; it is about operating from abundance, not scarcity, in your nervous system, so you can hold all that is meant for you.
Learning how to receive has been one of the most healing and transformative lessons of my journey, especially as a Projector and a soul-led business owner.
If reading the above resonates with you, you are not alone.
When I began softening into the practice of receiving, I wished I had a gentle companion — something to remind me that it is okay to be healing my energetic pattern that has shown up as a block in several areas of my life for far too long. This is why I created the “Where Receivership heals” guide. It is a free 20+ page guide on the pathway back to receiving. At the end of the guide, there is an embodied practice for healing your receivership with money.
Download your free guide below!
As a certified Human Design Reader and Projector mentor and business guide, I teach the receivership healing framework, particularly in relation to money, in all of my mentorships, one-on-one sessions, and TPR group containers. If you are feeling called to deepen this initiation, feel free to explore ways to work with me here.
If you are new to Human Design, you can check up on your Human Design here.
It is a powerful tool for self-discovery and is also widely known as the science of the aura. Each human being on earth has a unique design, and I like to refer to it as one’s divinity.
Ways to work with me:
→ (free) Download the Projector’s 3 Agents of Change Guidebook + join my newsletter here.
→ Becoming Empowered: A Personalized Human Design Guide
→ Projector Success Codes Workshop
→ Projector in Business Workshop
→ 1:1 Self-Projected Mastery Immersion
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→ The Projector Remembrance Group Container (Only available twice a year, we begin again in the Fall)
→ Shui 1:1 Bespoke Projector Mentorship
→ Projector Soft Business : 1:1 Bespoke Projector Business Mentorship
If you are a Projector in Human Design, BELOW are other “UNEARTHING PROJECTORHOOD” RESOURCES:
My Reflections On My Human Design Chart As A 1/3 Self-Projected Projector
7 Ways Human Design Has Shaped My Soul-Led Business As A Projector
Soul-Led Business: 5 Blocks That Are Holding Your Wealth Back As A Business Owner
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I am Sylvia— a spiritual writer, certified Human Design reader, Projector mentor, and business guide behind Arawme,
“Arawme” is a raw me put together.
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