For over two decades, I kept a part of myself hidden from the world
Musings
For over two decades, I kept a part of myself hidden from the world.
I have always been told that I could write well and string emotions into words when others couldnβt.
For the longest time during my teenage years, I kept a private LiveJournal blog. In there, I wrote about the lowest of my lows and the highest of my highs; all the challenges, heartbreaks, and trials in life have gotten me this far. I wrote poems and prose about love, floating clouds, impermanence, the feeling of being unbelonged, and misunderstood. I was fearful of the world seeing this side of me, this erratic, moody, and melancholic side of Sylvia, who secretly wore her heart on her sleeve. The blog was akin to the immaculately handpicked songs in my private playlist on my first iPod nano (bless those simpler days), which I rarely shared with anyone.
During that time, I also had a nickname, the Elmo girl, mainly because I was known as the girl who would always smile widely without her teeth. Smiling was masking for me. Smiling was self-protection for me.
βYou look different when you smile with your teeth.β
βI love when you smile with your teethβ you look beautiful, Sylvia.β
I remember looking at myself in the mirror countless times, wondering when the day would arrive when I would feel comfortable smiling with my teeth.
Comfortable, being in my own skin.
A question I often get asked now is, βHow did you end up starting your business?β How did this decision unfold?
The truth was, I did not set out to start a business, nor specifically a soul-led business.
Back in 2019, I was beginning to pull myself up piece by piece from what I can only describe as my second dark night of the soul. It was that year that I delved into topics I intentionally pursued, such as spirituality, self-healing, self-care, and personal growth. I decided to share the tools that supported me and my journey on a public blog, with the sole purpose of inspiring, uplifting, and empowering others.
I just knew I was ready to be seen.
I wanted to be seen because, heck, I literally pulled myself up from an ashes-to-flames moment.
Nothing ahead could be worse than what I had undergone, and here I was still breathing. But it wasnβt just that, I knew there was no going back to the version of me before.
And this version of me today was ready to be seen.
Fast forward 7 years, and Arawme and I have evolved, and here I am in this chapter of my life, running a soul-led business full-time as a Projector mentor and business guide.
Would I ever imagine myself where I was 2 decades ago? No.
Well, I just decided to start healing and stop hiding.
I decided to be the co-creator instead of the victim.
I decided to finally let myself be seen.
Do it for no one but you.
Read the full Substack here.